uring my years of priesthood there have been many times when those who had been very involved in Parish life simply seemed to disappear.  I'd check with their neighbors and find that they were active in many other activities, but stopped attending Church.  Most often it was in the time following the death of a loved one, a divorce, a personal failure or the failure of a family member or loved one.

I've come to understand that the reason is sometimes the memories connected with the Church.  One widow told me that each time she came into Church she was filled with warm memories of her Wedding day, the Baptisms of her children and warm celebrations of Christmas and Easter.  At first she would sit in the same spot as always, but later changed places.  Then she would look over to where she used to sit with her husband and feel sad that he was no longer along with her.

Another parishioner was worried about crying in front of her friends as tender memories came back.  For awhile she attended Mass at another parish, then stopped altogether.  It seemed that if she didn't come she wasn't confronted with the intensity of the loss she had experienced.

At the same time their friends were so disappointed to be deprived of the chance to help.  Many such people came back to the Church after a special All Souls Day Mass celebrated for those who had died in the past year.  

We're not in this life alone.  We might be the kind of person who is always willing to help others.  We can bake cakes and send cards when others lose loved ones.  Yet, in our own time of need we can try to handle things all by ourselves.  In doing so we can deprive others of the opportunity to help.  If nobody accepted any help, what would the helpers do?  How could God come in and heal?  Letting others help is sometimes the most difficult for the best helpers!

Sometimes we think that if we don't allow ourselves to remember that our loss isn't quite as real.  The wonderful memories we experience in Church are a sure sign of the importance of the Church in our lives.

Many times those who have experienced personal failure, divorce or the failure of a loved one simply avoid contact with others.  They deprive themselves too, of the support they can receive from those who have shared their lives the most deeply.  If you're in that boat, it might be a good time to read the c'monback stories.  The Scriptures continue to remind us that our personal failures don't stop God from loving us.  God always awaits our return.  People of good will can be more welcoming, accepting and forgiving that we could ever imagine.

Sad and guilty feelings are signs that we are in need of healing.  The Sacrament of Reconciliation and the support and care of loving members of our Church community can help us heal and go on.  The only way to regain our strength and composure is marching straight through the problems that we face.  Showing up can be the first step!

We can be helpful to one another, too.  Sometimes a widow or widower, a newly-divorced person or someone who has been in trouble needs somebody to be with them.  Why not consider inviting them to join you for Mass or for another parish activity.  It's sometimes awfully hard for a newly widowed person to show up alone for a dinner or pancake breakfast, or even for Mass.  God gives us family members and friends to make these things easier for us.  So ... why not ask?

IIt gets better!  If you're experiencing the pain of loss, click here to visit our Grief Support page.  It can help us see how complicated it is when we lose a love one.  It can help us to see too, that our feelings can be similar to others who have faced losses, and that things can get better.  It's so helpful to share our lives with others during the most difficult times.  It's good to let them help.

aith is a great treasure.  We experience and practice our faith best when we join together with others who share that faith.  Even if it's difficult we can open up the door, get in the car ... and go!  Daily Mass or a short visit to an empty Church might be helpful at first.  Asking for a ride or going with other family members can be very helpful.  And if we know someone going through hard times, why not offer to help them back.  When we do, Jesus works through us in wonderful ways.  Let's reach out to help.

Why not c'mon back?!